Yesterday, my dad texted me while I was walking home from school. He told me that his friend gave him tickets for the Red Sox vs Twins game at Fenway Park. I was really excited because I had never been to a baseball game before. Me, my mom, and my two brothers all took the Red Line followed by the Green Line to get to the stadium. It felt like an eternity just sitting on the train and waiting for god knows how long.
Before we went into the stadium, we decided to go to 7-11 for snacks, because we all know that the assholes who jack up the prices at the game don’t deserve our money. I picked up the newly returned Mountain Dew Pitch Black, a bag of sour cream and onion Lays chips, and sour gummy worms. We decided to hide them like how we do at the movie theatre, but apparently they fucking pat you down before you can enter. What the hell is this shit, the TSA? Even the people at the movie theatre don’t care that much. Well, anyways, I hid the Dew in my coat pocket on the left side, the gummy worms in my coat pocket on the right side, and tucked in the chips along with my coat into my pants in the back. (I had a really hard time hiding those, going so far as to shoving it down my pants, but it looked weird) Anyways, this asshole starts to pat me down, and the first thing he does is lift up my shirt (borderline child “exploitation”) Afterwards, he started to feel my coat pockets, and stole my new Dew that I hadn’t even tried yet. The dude got pissed, and started getting even more touchy-feely. When it looked like he was done, he checked my coat pocket again JUST TO MAKE SURE. I was super-pissed, because now I had nothing to drink along with my food. I talked to my brothers, and they both got their Dews snatched too, but nothing else. It’s pretty retarded how uptight they get just to make sure a couple people don’t sneak in soda and other food. They never did this when I went to the Bruins earlier this year, so why do they do it at the Red Sox?
Anyways, the game was pretty fun to watch. We had really good seats; we were up close and could see the entire field. Not much happened during the game; we left at the top of the ninth when it was tied 1-1. During the game, my brother bought a small bottle of Coke for $4.75. That’s fucking ridiculous, it’s borderline stealing. Before we left, we decided to try and get our sodas back. We went back to the entrance and looked in their little box of stolen good, before getting stopped by an asshole saying “Whoa, Whoa, you can’t go through that box. Step away from our box.” Really, they have the audacity to call it “their box?” Who the fuck do they think they are? One of my brothers explained the situation, and one guy who wasn’t an asshole let us get two of our Dews back. My older brother’s Dew got thrown away because it was already opened. The nerves of these people. I drank my Dew (which was pretty good) on the way home.
Next time, I’ll be sure to duct take the soda to my butt. If they discover it, I’ll simply say “gay” and sue them for exploiting a minor. Or perhaps I’ll stuff my coat pockets with empty bags in an effort to be a dick to the guy at the door, while having everything else duct taped to my lower body. The possibilities are endless!
(Note: I did actually have a fun time, despite all of my complaining).